“Ah. Curious place to put an occupied hospital bed, all alone in the basement of an abandoned building. What a pathetic bedridden fellow at that. This will be fun. Hello, whoever you are. You, yes, the shriveled one encircled by those primitive medical devices. You are, I believe, the source of that little long-range psychic pulse that has been scratching at my consciousness for the last week. It is doubtful but still possible you will become a problem for me in the indefinite future, and as I have more than enough problems as is, I’m afraid you will have to go. Doesn’t look like you have much of a life to speak of, so look upon your departure as a blessing, painful though it will be. I will feed on your living brain as I did that unfortunate and odiferous fellow who drove me here, consuming your mind and personality, your very soul, and then—”
You are long winded. I had expected you would attack me at once, but you waste your time toying with an imagined victim. Perhaps you are of less use than I had hoped.
“A telepath? My, and a delusional one, too. This will be especially amusing.”
You continue to waste your time, and mine as well. Hear me out. Your very existence depends on it.
“We will see abo—AHHH! AHHH! Damn you, how are you able to—”
I could tear you into atoms with ease and prolong your agony for aeons, until you are nothing more than an endless scream in the psychic ether.
“AHHH! Stop it! No! AHHH! Stop it! STOP IT!”
Cooperate, or beg for a death that will never come.
“YES! I SURRENDER! STOP! STO—ah! Ow! Oh, my. Ouch. Thank you for not, um, you know, doing that other thing. No need to get violent, old chap. I do believe we have an understanding. I fear I’ve behaved most horribly, apologies all around. All the fault of that awful truck driver I used to get here, wretched smelly fellow. Let’s start over again, shall we?”
One more is about to arrive, then we will begin our discussion.
“One more . . . I don’t mean to be rude, but . . . did you deliberately trick—um, summon me here?”
Yes, and her as well. I believe the three of us have mutual interests and would benefit from collaboration.
“Mutual interests? Do you eat human brains, too?”
Think in a larger scope. What is it you most desire?
“Oh, that is an interesting question. What do I most . . . pardon me again, but I believe someone is screaming outside your door.”
It is of no consequence.
“I do like the way you think, old boy.”
Come in. The door is not locked.
“Oh, my.”
—What mortal dares to call upon me?
I have given up my name. It was not important. I know your name, however. And yours.
“I was unaware that this planet harbored more than one intelligent species.”
—Wretch, you do not belong on thisss earth. Begone!
“Oh, you are a fine one to call me a wretch. You hardly look to have a brain worth feeding on.”
—I will crusssh you in my coilsss as I did the one who carried me here, then ssswallow your bonelesss remainsss at my leisssure—after dessstroying him.
“You might wish to rethink that strategy. I don’t believe our host approves of violence—unless he’s the one committing it.”
—Fool, you will regret you ever spoke to me with—sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
“In all fairness, I did try to warn you.”
—ssssssssssssssssstopstopstop!
Neither of you will attack the other, nor will either of you dare attack me. This is your final chance to hear me out. I have a proposition to put to you both.
“Not that I have a choice, but I’m all ears.”
—Ssspeak and be damned, accursssed mortal.
I weary of this world. My days have been few, but life in my present condition is torment, and my condition worsens by excruciating degrees. I long for release from this ravaged shell.
“You didn’t bring us here so that we could pull the plug on your life support, did you?”
I brought you here because I wish for this world to die with me.
“Oh. Oh! Why didn’t you say so in the first place? We could have avoided a lot of bother if you had.”
—What have I to do with your grievance?
My thirst for revenge is all that keeps me alive. I sense that you both have your own such thirsts, and they are perfectly congruent with mine. Revenge is everything, revenge is all.
“Revenge . . .”
—Revenge. . . .
The waters of revenge. Bitter they will be for all others on this planet to drink, but sweet upon my tongue, sweet and pure and satisfying. As my kind perishes, so will I, in victory.
“Mmm, I feel a need to interrupt and point out a possible flaw in that plan.”
You will be provided with a means to escape this earth and return to space. I do not desire your own doom. Go where you will when this is done.
“Silly question, but are you by any chance able to read minds?”
Your thoughts do not concern me. Only your deeds are of interest. Think what you wish, but be wary of my wrath if you fail me—or turn on me.
“Not the answer I had expected, but it will do.”
—And what of me, withered one?
After this earth is slain, it will be yours to rule and populate as you wish.
—Mine?
Till eternity’s end. Yours, and yours alone.
—Mine. . . . and what would you asssk of me, mortal, to make thisss ssso?
“I was curious as to what you wanted from me as well. No pressure, just . . . curious.”
I have grave limitations that only the two of you can overcome. You will be my left hand and my right. To destroy a world, one must be thorough. I have conceived of a plan that will scour the human stain from the rocks and seas, scour away the stain of life itself and leave this miserable ball sterile and bleak as the depths of space.
—I ssserve no massster.
“Look upon it as an opportunity, my good friend, not as servitude. True, if we refuse to help this fine gentleman I suspect we will be disposed of, and painfully too, but what of it? Destroying humanity is my fondest dream. A little cooperative effort is surely worth that, wouldn’t you agree?”
—Perhapsss.
“It is agreed, then. Before you get on with detailing your plan, I hope you don’t mind if I ask a personal question.”
The machines that surround me are not here to give me life. I could sustain my existence for geologic periods of time if I so wished, but I do not. I cannot ease my pain nor move my physical body beyond my eyes, so I distract myself with petty amusements when plotting revenge is insufficient.
“I see. What do the machines do, then?”
They allow me to control the television set at the foot of my bed. I change channels through the movements of my eyes. My wife and children set it up for me. Best cable service in the state.
“Your wife and—?”
You will meet them soon enough. We must now begin our discussion in earnest. Time grows short.
“Eager to scour the world of humanity, are we?”
My favorite TV show begins in forty minutes. I never miss Sick, Sad World. One learn so much from it.
